just this

i feel like shouting.

i feel like crying.

most importantly, i feel anger plus frustrations.

its 12.

i can't sleep cause there's so much in my mind.

it feels as tho its so little to others.

it seems like a small issue.

but overall, this is just who i am.

at times i just want to share,

but at times i just stop right there.

why?

simply because i see smiles all over.

i rather not break happiness although it will just last for that moment.

at times i try to seek refuge in places that i find comfort.

at times i try to find comfort in people.

but just of now, i can't find either.

only my blog to rant out to.

this is the only place to blab the things that people don't want to hear.

this is the place that i thought of the least to seek comfort.

i never thought writing could possibly bring me comfort.

but i guess this is an exception to that isn't it?

tomorrow, another day.

filled with things unexpected.

i hope it'll turn out well.

as hope, is the only thing i can do right now.

i realized that whenever i speak my mind out, people tend to say i'm an emo person or filled with temper or a princess or something that they can label me for that moment when i let my frustrations go.

but no one seem to remember that i was there for them when they had their frustrations.

i didn't label them.

so, why me?

at times, i don't understand why am i being laughed or teased at for the things that i'm most natural at.

i'm already fragile inside.

i don't need people to remind me of it.

goodnight.

the wtf week of my life

i can never understand the concept of nice people always being the victim in most of the scenarios.

its like, i'm being nice and i don't get the appreciation that i should be getting.

whereas, some evil one gets everything they wanted.

things like that i seriously don't understand.

only wonderful thing that happened this week is that i survived my first semester of degree and had some quality time with baby.

seriously not worth investing time on things that wouldn't bloom.

perfection..

bottle of wishes

while sitting in church this morning, i realized a few things came true.

number 1, i wanted my family to finally understand me.

it came true.

number 2, i wanted a good and not screwed up life after high school.

i've accomplished that too!

number 3, i wished to have a loving bf.

it came through as well.

number 4, most importantly, i want someone to understand me even if the world couldn't understand me at all.

true enough, i found him.

i remembered writing my wishes down.

those never came true.

i remembered secretly wishing those things in my mind.

and it came true.

i'm not showing off what i have,

i'm just grateful and thankful.

sat there smiling and thanking God for all of this.

i'm glad that i had those bad times to come to this good part.

realization plays an important role in my life now.

as i tend to complain a lot isn't it baby? (:

i guess i answered that question myself.

its good to remind yourself about all the wonderful things around you even though you had a bad day.

its worth the thought (:

waterfall in december (:

i remembered lying down on your lap on a huge rock close to the waterfall.

i love the sound of rushing waters and being so close to you.

no one was there but the two of us.

i loved that moment.

i always wanted to feel like the world was empty and it was only the both of us spending precious moments together.

even though we didn't say much.

i just loved the quiet moment.

burdens left behind, worries left behind, secrets left behind, the hectic and stressful life left behind.

basically, we left the world behind.

i loved that (:

its been a year since that day happened.

i'm glad you're still around.

whenever i look into your eyes, i feel really grateful for everything.

especially for you being in my life.

after all the hurt previously, i seriously feel safe and loved.

most importantly, i trust you (:

i really mean all of this.

feels damn random typing all of this, but i feel its worth typing down.

i lost friends that i thought were true to me.

i lost trust towards people whom i thought i could trust.

i lost so many, but i gained so much too!

now i know friends who stays and true trust.

life wasn't and still isn't perfect.

but i love how imperfect it is.

i've been through a lot to gain him now.

i used to regret things in life, but now...

i'm no longer regretting but rather appreciating what i have right now (:

at times when i sit in silence.

its simply because i'm treasuring what's in front of me.

wounds are healed.

forgave people.

grudges left.

i hope everyone does the same too (:

p.s.: no more McD girl! you meanie.. hehe. love u.

life is short

i realized how short life was when i went into a shop to get a pair of shorts.

a glass plate almost fell on my head from the display set.

but instead, the plate bounced off a workers back and the plate landed on the floor.

the shattered towards my direction.

i was in shocked cause of the loud sound.

i didn't know i was hurt.

until my mom raised her voice saying "check your legs! check your legs!"

and so i did.

i saw a deep cut on my left ankle.

at first, i couldn't feel the pain.

i was still in shock.

i just moved as demanded by my mom.

the store manager helped me cleaned the wound and that was the only time i felt the pain after such a long time.

the reason why the glass plate actually fell was cause the store manager had the intension of cleaning the display shelf and he did not know there was a glass plate lying flat on top of the display shelf.

so, he simply pulled the shelf and there went the plate.

i know it seems like nothing big.

but it made me think of what i have right now.

i'm so blessed with so many things.

i know prayers cannot be explained in a logical way.

some of us don't even believe in such a thing.

but i find comfort praying.

i thanked God for everything i have right now.

believers or non believers, we still have hope for something isn't it?

mine is really simple.

but i'm not telling *grins*

things aren't perfect in life.

we always chase for material things on earth,

but we never seem to chase for non material things.

as for that,

i just simply love you (:

nothing special, nothing great.

you might even tease me later on.

but, i just love having you around in my life.

you make imperfect things seem so perfect when ure around me.

feels really good to know that i have someone like you (:

don't stress k baby? *kisses*

things now

found a job :D
finished first semester of Degree.
interview tomorrow.
i hope and pray that everything goes on right.
i prefer my job being as a girlfriend.
spending time with him :P
i know.
i'm spoiled.
hahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
but yeah.
whose to say life is perfect (:
goodnight :D